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**Due to the time of when my blog went live, this post is a bit “late”. This was written in October of 2018.**
One year ago, I smiled as I held hands with my husband as we drove through the back roads of Vermont on a crisp autumn day. The smell of smoke from nearby chimneys filled the air and the sunshine filtered through the trees like stained glass. We were on our way to meet my best friend and the other author of my blog for a double date and I couldn’t have been happier. I was living the life that God wanted me to live and doing His will. Or so I thought.
The following weeks proved to me that I was so, so wrong.
A week after our double date, I found out that my husband had been living in sin for several months. My heart shattered, and I had never felt as broken as I did in that moment. But I knew that a “good wife” would push through, and push through I did.
But after weeks of trying and praying and a lot of fighting and many nights wondering if I would survive my husband’s anger, I still wasn’t ready to give up. Until the night my husband left.
On a cold night in November, with many bills that needed to be paid, the snow was high on the mountain, my husband decided it was time to leave his wife for a life of sin.
I had no full-time income, no working car, no heat in the house the week before Thanksgiving and no one to turn to.
I had been left entirely alone.
The only thing I hadn’t lost was my faith and hope in the Lord.
After a week of crushing despair alone in my one room mountain cabin I was blessed by my pastor and his family, (including his wife, and their two children) who let me move in with them until I could find a stable job and afford my bills.
For the next few months I had to work harder then ever before. Now deemed a “displaced homemaker” by the state, I was put on food stamps and given credits to go to the community college by the state so that I could get some “training” to forward me in the workplace.
But the hardships were not over yet.
A month later, one of my best friends lost her battle with brain cancer and a few days later I was fired from my part-time job.
I was finally in the depths of despair.
But because of God’s grace, I was not allowed to stay there. My pastor came up to my room and knocked the next morning to tell me to come downstairs. That day we started a Bible study on the Greek word “hope”. And it was with that, I kept moving forward.
I still cried, I still grieved, I still laid in bed asking God why this was happening to me, but I kept moving forward.
In the next six months I rode the roller coaster of faith.
- I gained an office job at a non profit that was way above my experience, but it was a job that I loved. (And still do!)
- I found a two bedroom house on a horse ranch not far from church and work.
- I was re-diagnosed with cancer (and then un-diagnosed again…a story for another day)
- I bought my very first truck and fell in love with it.
- I was given a promotion at my job.
- I started renovations on my little home.
- I lost 70 lbs.
- I started back in college to become a licensed bookkeeper.
- With the support and blessing of my church, I divorced my husband.
One year later, I sit here on another autumn day, full of the beauty and splendor of the Lord, and my heart breaks. My heart breaks for the lies I lived with, for the lies that I’m sure many of my readers live with. For the pain and heartbreak I felt and for the sin that was in my life.
But now I have the hope that I didn’t before.
I now have a life that I love and that can truly be focused on Christ. I have support and understanding. I have direction and purpose and I have promises from God.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you'” – this is the Lord’s declaration – ‘plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you’ – this is the Lord’s declaration. ‘I will restore you to the place from which I deported you.'” -Jeremiah 29:11-14, CSB
And now there are some truths that I have discovered in my life that I want to share with you.
1 | Your worth in life is not in being a wife, mother or homemaker.
Your worth in life is being a daughter of God.
No amount of work that you do as a homemaker, no amount of love that you give as a wife or mother can match that of what God has done for you. You can never earn your way into the kingdom of Heaven.
“he saved us – not by works of righteousness that we had done, but according to his mercy – through the washing of regeneration and renewal by the Holy Spirit.” -Titus 3:5
2 | No matter what happens, God will never let you go.
“The Lord is the one who will go before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or abandon you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” -Deuteronomy 31:8, CSB
3 | We have no control over our lives,
and whether we have the next five years mapped out or we can barely make it through the next five minutes, God is in control. And it’s never the plan we envision for ourselves.
“A person’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps. -Proverbs 16:9, CSB
I hope to move forward with this blog with transparency and truth in my life and to spend more time focusing on what truly matters vs. the lies that we have believed as homemakers. The Homemaker’s Cottage is a refuge, a place of rest and a library of resources for those who want to truly serve the Lord through homemaking.
If that is something you’re interested in, feel free to join us on Facebook at The Homemaker’s Corner.
Until next time friends,
Here are some of the resources that helped me through the hard times and helped me find the lies in my life and replace them with truths:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline – A hotline where women of domestic violence can call and receive help.
JenGrice.com – A blog for Christian women going through abuse and divorce and infidelity.
American Baptist Churches USA – While I was already going to a strong faith-filled church, I know many women may not know where to go and here you can find a strong faith-filled church near you.